Falling Through Darkness Page 14

  It always puts my life into perspective, or it has until now.

  We move up to the cashier to buy our tickets. I grab my wallet to pay for my share when I hear a growl from next to me. “Put that shit away, gorgeous.”

  Startled, I look at him. “What?” I’m confused. Why would he be mad at me paying for my share? When I was with my ex, I always paid at least my share. It was something I did from the beginning, and he never stopped me. Thinking back though, he practically ordered me that first time to pay half. That should have been my first red flag that maybe he wasn’t all he portrayed to the world.

  Duncan heaves a sigh before he stops and turns to me, not caring people have to move around us.

  Staring into my eyes, he cups my cheek with his hand. “I don’t know what kind of men you’ve been with in the past, but you’re with me now. And one thing you need to know about me, when we’re out I’ll pay. My mom taught me some manners after all. Okay?”

  I’m not sure how to feel about this. The independent side of me is rebelling against the notion of anyone taking care of me while a tiny part of me likes it. The indecision must have shown on my face because Duncan sighs. Seems like he’s trying to rein in his inner caveman.

  “It’s not about control with me, babe. Sure, some men might use this type of thing to control their women, but that’s not me. I realize this is early; we’ve known each other eight days. But I’m trying to make you mine, and I take care of what’s mine. I’m gonna spoil you because I want to, because I love seeing you smile and look at me in wonder. Okay? This doesn’t mean I’ll be taking away your independence and freedom, but I’ll do my best to be the foundation to help you flourish and be your rock to lean on when you need it?”

  “Fine.” I smile. There is no need for him to know I’ll be paying every now and then regardless. I’ll just have to be sneaky about it in the future. “And thank you for bringing me.”

  With one hand fisting his shirt, I grab hold of his hand on my face before I lean up and give him a quick kiss on the lips. Since I don’t want to take this any further and start something we can’t finish right now I remove his hand from my face and step toward the cashier. He takes the hint and moves to up to purchase our tickets all the while not letting go of my hand. Instead he intertwines our fingers.

  Walking around the place with Duncan is an amazing experience. He doesn’t rush me, instead lets me see all the animals. He patiently listens to my incessant babbling—instead of getting annoyed, I seem to amuse him with my inconsequential trivia facts, if his smile is an indication.

  I’m not paying attention to where we’re going, too focused on telling Duncan about the first time I went to the aquarium with my parents and nearly fell into a tank. So I don’t notice we walk into a tunnel made out of what I assume is acrylic glass until we’re already a few feet inside. I look around curiously, wondering what animals inhabit this tank, when unexpectedly a creature swiftly moves out of the shadows toward where we’re standing.

  I know that rationally what I do next makes no sense, but I can’t help my reaction when I see the big-ass shark swim in my direction. Not thinking, I make a noise I’ll be embarrassed about later and move to cower behind Duncan and bury my face in his back. Thinking, if I can’t see the shark it’s not there.

  With my face pressed against his back, I can hear and feel his laughter. I can’t even be mad at it, I’d laugh too if I were him. My reaction is ridiculous. We’re surrounded by thick glass and the shark can’t get to me, not to mention my fear of them is completely unfounded and irrational.

  “Babe…”

  “Shut up. You knew they freak me out, a little warning would have been nice,” I hiss, still hiding behind him.

  “And miss this?” He’s still laughing his ass off, drawing the attention of everyone standing around us. “Are you coming out from behind me?”

  “Nope. I don’t think I will. I’ll just stay like this until they go away.”

  “You do realize that’s impossible, right?”

  “One can dream…” I say with a sigh. I can hear people around us laugh at me.

  Still chuckling, he pulls me from behind him and into his side. “I’ll protect you should the impossible happen, promise.”

  I shrug, focusing my eyes on the end of the tunnel, blocking out my surroundings. I’m tempted to cover my eyes with my hands or hold them up next to them in an imitation of blinders.

  “That’s cool. I’ll use you as bait. They can chew on you while I get away.”

  Stopping short, he looks at me strangely. “Seriously? You’d leave me behind?”

  “When it comes to a shark attack, fuck yes,” I say with a smile on my face.

  “You’re a little shit, you know that?”

  “Hey! Weren’t you the one giving me the whole I’ll-take-care-of-you-speech not twenty minutes ago?” I start pulling him behind me and out of the tunnel. I’m not joking, this place freaks me out.

  I can breathe easy as soon as we’re out of the tunnel. “Let’s go see something cute now, please.”

  Pulling me back to his side, he leads me away from the sharks. “Fine, how about we visit the hippos?”

  My beaming smile I shoot his way is answer enough. We slowly walk through the aquarium to the hippo tank.

  “So, tell me, what made you move to the States? Seems quite the drastic change.”

  “Which is exactly what I needed.” Sighing, I decide to give him the truth, or at least as much as possible. “After my family died four months ago, I just couldn’t deal. Everywhere I went I was reminded of them.” More like haunted. “So, I decided to go somewhere without the constant reminder. America was the most logical choice. Funnily enough, most people don’t know my mom was American. Her French was fluent, and after so many years with my British dad, she didn’t have a distinct accent anymore.” I shrug. “I don’t think Mom felt like America was her home anymore, so she never spoke about it.”

  His smile is sad, but thankfully I see no pity. “I’m so sorry about your family. I didn’t know your parents are gone as well. But it explains why you never speak about them.”

  I’m not sure what to say to this. Talking about my family is hard and depressing which is why I avoid doing it.

  “Can I ask what happened?”

  Avoiding his eyes, I stare at the humongous tank we’ve walked up to. I’m not actually seeing the big hippo in front of me, but the wreck that stole my family, my life, from me.

  “They were in a car accident about four months ago on their way home from my brother’s fiancée’s birthday party. I was supposed to go with them but didn’t feel up to it.” More like I was too afraid to leave the house. “I was told the road was slippery from the rain, and they took a turn too fast. They came off the lane, drove through the railing and down a ravine. They were all dead as soon as they hit the bottom—my parents, my brother, and his fiancée.”

  Sometimes, I wish I was in the car with them, at least then I wouldn’t feel this constant guilt of having brought this on them. On some level, I realize the guilt I carry around is irrational, that it wasn’t my fault, but I can’t help feeling this way. If not for me, my family would still be alive.

  If I didn’t bring—

  “Fuck. That’s horrible.” He pulls me into his body, our fronts plastered together from hip to chest. He softly tucks some stray hair behind my ear with a tender look in his eyes. “Thank you for trusting me with this. I know it has been difficult to share, but I’m glad you did. It explains quite a bit about you, actually.”

  Smiling what I’m sure is a smile filled with sorrow, I can’t help myself but ask, “Really?”

  “Yeah, like why you’re so closed off. Getting information out of you is like pulling teeth. It also explains the darkness in your eyes, the demons I can see wreaking havoc in there.” He taps my temple at this.

  “What about your family? What are they like?” I’m desperate to change the subject. It’s hard speaking about the past, abo
ut what happened to my family. And I’m curious about his family, despite the way my heart constricts at this topic. I lean harder into him, soaking up his heat and strength.

  “Well, you’ve met Brendan. He’s older by two years, which he likes to inform me of constantly. My parents are both retired and live in Florida. My mom used to be a nurse, and my dad a professor at Penn State.”

  “Is he the one who made you want to become a teacher?”

  “Yeah, he’s definitely the one who gave me the love of history. Teaching just came naturally. I’ve always liked helping others to master a subject. I used to be a tutor in high school, and it took off from there.”

  “So why P.E. and history? Seems a peculiar combination?”

  “Well, I was also on the football team in high school and ran track. I was good enough to get a scholarship, but not enough to go pro. So, I decided to pursue the two things that make me happy, sports and teaching.”

  I nodded, understanding what he means. You either love teaching or you don’t. And going into this profession definitely wasn’t for everyone and required passion for it. I’ve had enough friends question my sanity when I decided to become a teacher to know not everyone understands the love I have for shaping young people’s minds, which is probably why I teach literature.

  “Yeah, I get that. I love teaching. Seeing people understand the concepts I try to teach them through books—acceptance of others, tolerance, humility, courage—makes it definitely all worth it.”

  “So, what made you become a teacher?”

  “My mom.” I smile at the memory. “She was a teacher as well and so passionate about it. She’d come home and tell us all about her day. Sure, she’d sometimes complain about the kids, but she mostly loved it. Said having the kids come back and thank her later in life was the best feeling she ever experienced, besides marrying my dad and having my brother and me. She made it sounds like the best job in the world. So ever since I was little, I wanted to be just like her.” Chuckling, I continue, “Though she taught science, and I’m definitely not a science person.”

  “From what I’ve heard and seen myself, you’re an exceptional teacher. And the kids definitely don’t hate you.”

  I have to snort at this while staring at the hippo in the tank frolicking around. “We’ll see how they feel after the semester is over.”

  He runs his fingers softly along my jaw. My eyes find his and the emotion swirling in them steals my breath. “You’re easy to like, babe. Once you get past the prickly exterior and attitude you put on for the rest of the words to see.”

  Moving his finger to my lips he halts whatever protest I was about to utter. “And I get it. But know this, you’re safe with me. You don’t have to put on a front to keep me away. One, it won’t work.” His tone drops to a whisper, “Two, the attitude makes me hard as fuck and gives me fantasies of how to otherwise occupy your mouth.”

  “Jesus,” I moan before I pull his mouth toward me. I kiss him and pour all my conflicting feelings into it. I can’t believe how turned on I am from just his words. My body is almost vibrating with need. I’m about ready to climb him like a tree when he pulls away. Pressing his forehead against mine, he rasps, “Fuck, we can’t do this here. There are kids around.”

  “You started it. Again.” I close my eyes and try to get my breathing under control.

  He kisses me on the forehead. “We’ll pick this up later.”

  With that, he turns us back toward the tank. The two hippos in it are walking around underwater. They seem to have a blast playing in their own way.

  “Did you know that hippos can’t actually swim?” I blurt out a random fact I know, trying to distract from the magnetism I can feel between us. “They pretty much just walk or stand around underwater.”

  “Really?”

  I choose to ignore the amusement I can hear in his voice, instead I keep babbling. “Yeah, you’d think with the amount of time they spend underwater they’d know how to swim. I mean they can hold their breath for seven minutes. Seven! Isn’t that awesome?”

  “Yeah, definitely awesome.”

  Something in his voice makes me look at him. Instead of looking at the tank, he’s looking at me. While his eyes are roaming my face, I try to figure out the look in his eyes. It appears akin to awe, but that can’t be. What would he be awed about right now?

  “What?” I ask when he just keeps looking at me.

  “You’re really special. I hope you know that,” he suddenly murmurs.

  “I–I–what?” I stutter after he catches me off guard. I didn’t see this coming. My stuttering and surprise don’t seem to faze him though; he just smiles at me like I’m the most adorable thing since puppies and steers me away from the hippo tank to the next attraction.

  I have a smile on my face for the rest of the afternoon. Looking back, it’s crazy how fast I fell in love with this amazing guy who was able, without much effort, to put a permanent smile on my face.

  I should have appreciated it more when I had it.

  Chapter Fourteen

  After walking around the aquarium for a couple hours—it might be small compared to others, but I get absorbed by the smallest details which keep me entertained—we have seen pretty much everything there is to see.

  This has already been the best date of my life, and as he informed me a second ago, it’s not over yet. I wonder what else he has up his sleeve.

  We walk to his car with our hands intertwined like it’s the most normal thing ever. But it’s not. It speaks of intimacy and a level of comfort I haven’t experienced in a long time. And I like it. I didn’t think I deserved to feel like this again, not after what I did, but I plan to be selfish and enjoy the feeling as long as I can.

  It’ll be gone soon enough. I don’t deserve someone like him.

  Suddenly, I’m pressed against Duncan’s car and his lips are on mine, interrupting my morose line of thought. This kiss however isn’t filled with heat, it’s a sweet, slow kiss, but just as powerful.

  Pulling away after thoroughly scrambling my brain, he gives me his cocky smile, knowing exactly what he just did to me and my ability to form coherent thoughts.

  “Better?”

  “Huh?” comes my oh-so-smart reply.

  “You disappeared into your head, a place I could see wasn’t all that happy, so I figured I’d remind you what you’re missing out on being in that place.” An arrogant smile is still tilting the corners of his lips, and I can’t help but smile back. The arrogance, for once, is totally deserved.

  Giving me one last, quick kiss, he opens the passenger side door and helps me into the car. I watch him move around the car, marveling at this unique man who’s opening doors and taking care of me in little ways most probably wouldn’t even blink at.

  I stare at his profile while he gets in and starts the car. He sure is handsome. All cut angles and striking eyes. My eyes are drawn to the tattoos covering his arms. I have never before been drawn to them, preferring my men clean-cut over bad boys. But I don’t have time to make out more than the different colors.

  “Like what you see?” comes the sudden teasing from the object of my admiration. I totally wasn’t salivating over his tattoos just now, nope.

  Deciding to avoid the comment—no need to boost his ego even further—I change the subject. “So where are we off to now?”

  “Well, since we aren’t really dressed for a fancy dinner, I thought I’d take you to get the best cheesesteak in the city. Everyone needs to have tried one of the best things Philly has to offer, besides me, of course, at least once in their life.”

  My laughter is as surprising as it is genuine. “Jesus, your ego knows no bounds, does it? But yes, take me to experience the second-best thing Philly has to offer. And maybe later, you can show me what the hype is all about when it comes to the best thing it has to offer.” My tone of voice leaves no doubt as to what I mean by my statement, and Duncan has no problem understanding me either.

  He shoots me a seduct
ive smile in return before he faces forward to concentrate on navigating the streets.

  Philadelphia is a beautiful city, but it’s a busy one for sure. The roads, even though it’s a Sunday afternoon, are packed with pedestrians and cars going every which way. At least compared to the UK the roads are actually big enough to drive through instead of being so narrow one wrong move can lead to disaster.

  I’m so absorbed in my thoughts I don’t notice we’re at our destination until Duncan parks the car and gets out to open my door.

  Getting out of the car, I thank him before we start walking across the street. As we walk toward a place that looks rather shady and run down, I’m surprised to also see a lot of people waiting at what looks like a line pouring onto the sidewalk.

  Curious as to where Duncan has brought me, I ask, “What is this place?”

  He smiles at my question, seemingly sensing not only my curiosity but also my apprehension. “It’s only the best place to get a cheesesteak without tourists crowding you. Since the area isn’t exactly the nicest, they don’t venture down here and we’re able to keep the best cheesesteak a secret from all the intruders.”

  I have to laugh at his choice of words, making it sounds like this place is equivalent to a state secret or a national treasure. Hell, even the Queen’s crown jewels aren’t this much of a secret and valued by the people.

  “Well, proceed and dazzle my mind then.”

  My words have the desired effect and one of those smiles that steals my breath takes over his face. Grabbing and interlacing our hands, he leads me toward the back of the line.

  We stand in comfortable silence while we wait to order. Surprisingly I do not feel the needs to fill it with incessant chatter and babbling. It’s nice to just be. To not be pressured to always be interesting enough to not bore the person you’re with. I never before appreciated being able to be myself, not some censored version, until it was gone. And to have it back now, with this gorgeous man, is not something I expected in a million years.